i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
