Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
