Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
