Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
