The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
