I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
