gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
