apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
