Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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