and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
