just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
