Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
