the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
