When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
