Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
