Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
