$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
