who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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