i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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