I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
