Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
