if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
