i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
