At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
