My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
