just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
