I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
