Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
