remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
