i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
