Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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