Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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