Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
