There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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