i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
