OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
