Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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