Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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