Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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