Heybabeimwearingurpanties
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
