I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
