I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
