no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
