There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone signed my nipple.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
