I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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