she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
