I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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