There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
