I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
