my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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