The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
