i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Panties = found
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
